Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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