Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
