oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
