Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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