yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
