I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize