the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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