spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
we made out on top of his cat.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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