the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
