....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
