I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Panties = found
Randomize
