Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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