Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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