Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
