I'm gonna have a badass scar
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
