If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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