you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
