I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
