When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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