addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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