waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
