i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize