so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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