but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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