what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
