You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
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