I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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