I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize