Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
