When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
