youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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