yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My cat gives me a boner
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
