Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
