fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
