Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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