Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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