shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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