If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
