I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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