I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
