I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
