Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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