Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
