it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
