I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
