We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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