Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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