Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
