sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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