turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
