I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
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