So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
