a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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