Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
