i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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