You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
