Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
