the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
