She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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