if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
