hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
