dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
