Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Your penis caused this!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
