we're chasing vodka with high fives
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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