I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
