After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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