shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
