Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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