if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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