I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
