Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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