I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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