I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
