Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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