I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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