WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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