You're earring is so big in my mouth
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
