Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
