On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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