I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
