I hope mine doesn't look like that
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
