Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
