He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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