you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
