My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I wish I could teleport
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
His hands were made for my vagina.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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