I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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