i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
my liver is dry heaving
My feet surprised me
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
