new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
