Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
