he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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