weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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