I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
