What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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