I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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