Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
