she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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