You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
