After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
